The 4th of September 2009 – Anaheim, California

(found in an uncannily familiar place…or something)

Dear Sel,

I have stared at my hand, stared at my hand until it became a claw, until it became a collection of talons.

I have walked across land until the dirt felt soft as the clouds. I have breathed in water and let the air fill my lungs.

I have smiled until my face became the antithesis of a face, until the smile left the lips and the nose became an oyster’s pearl.

The world is a wonderful place. The mind is a wonderful place.

Have you seen the sun today? Have you seen the sun for weeks?

Where could it possibly go, the sun? And why would we want to search for it, the sun?

I have thought until I thought in an unknown language. I have thought until my thoughts became unintelligible to myself. Yet I go on thinking.

As if. As if thinking were a thing worthwhile. As if windows were actually clear, instead of tainted by foggy translucence. As if.

Sel, have you gone missing? Or is it just a letter that’s gone away? And what is a Sel that is incomplete? Is it what it was before but less, or is it something more?

I haven’t a clue. Sel, you may be long gone, gone when I exhaled the other day and began looking at my hand, looking at my hand until it became a claw, until it became a collection of talons.

What a wonderful world, Sel. What a wonderful mind too.

Breathe in and out, look at the sun, stare out windows and watch the shadows of our imagination play together on the foggy pane. Smile, Sel, smile. Have we ever smiled enough?

I haven’t seen the sun today. I haven’t seen the sun for months. So I went searching. I looked all around the globe, all across the outdoors. There was no sun. Then I looked inside.

There it was. The sun, within me.

Glorious, Sel, glorious.

Best,

Chubby

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