The 12th of October 1984 – Sonoma, California

(found within a cracked computer screen)

Dearest Lydia,

There is a higher order. There is a larger dream, I hope – at least I hope.

I have long looked at the mountains and seen the sunset fade behind the peaks. Around those mountains – atop those mountains – I need to be, to see the sun and always seen the sun.

I wouldn’t know. I couldn’t know otherwise. But what will it take? How could I leave my sun even if the journey promised to fill my sky eternally bright?

I haven’t had a chance to breath – of course my dear, I’m sorry to say it’s true – I haven’t had a chance to get a wink of sleep since that first night. Because the fear that light would not return.

I would trade the sunset for eternity. Lydia, I’m sorry, because the beheld beauty does not compare – in my eyes – to the beauty that cannot be beheld.

Loneliness will take me soon. I haven’t a chance. Enjoy the sunset. Enjoy the starry nights. Enjoy the rises of tomorrow.

I cannot. I need now.



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