(found with the crumbs in the cookie jar)
To Mom & Dad or Susan or whoever finds this while looking for cookies –
It’s really all your fault if you think about it.
I’m the kid, I know. I’m the little preteen boy who needs to learn discipline and self-control, but it’s really all your fault.
You don’t just call something forbidden and stick it in the middle of the kitchen. That’s not fair. Of course I’m going to try it. Of course I’m going to sneak a bite.
I don’t need anyone to tell me to do it. I don’t need anyone to trick me or tempt me.
If you didn’t want me to eat out of the cookie jar, if you’re going to get really upset about it and if you’re going to – I don’t know – kick me out of the house because of this or something, then you shouldn’t put the cookie jar right in the middle of the kitchen.
It’s right there. You said don’t eat out of it, but the cookies just looked so good. Of course I’m going to eat out of it. And that doesn’t make me bad or weak or stupid.
It just means I don’t care about playing your wacky games. I’ve got better things to do, like enjoy these tasty cookies and not feel hungry anymore.
It’s really your fault. I’m not taking any of the blame for this one.
If you didn’t want me to eat the forbidden cookies, then don’t put them right in the middle of the countertop where anyone can get to them. They’re not bad. They’re not poison. You just wanted to keep them all for yourself. You got some special kick out of knowing about the cookies and keeping them all for yourself. That just seems petty. Surprisingly petty.
Why’d you even put them in the kitchen if I’m not supposed to eat them?