(found in a pile of laundry)
It was a good sweater, Todd!
It was a good goddamned sweater, Todd, and then you went and gone and done ruined it all.
It was so damn warm, Todd. So goddamned warm and comfortable too. And you went and gone and lost it in a snowbank out there by the trees, Todd. And YOU KNOW how Mama always told us not to go out there by the trees.
TODD. Fucking hell!
I got that sweater from Granma, and she knitted it herself. She knitted it every night for a week, just sitting up all night by the fire for a week and knitting that sweater.
Todd, Jesus Christ, Todd.
Granma told me to take care of the sweater, Todd, and I did. She said handwash it, and I did. I always handwashed it, Todd. I always used a scent-free detergent, Todd, because I cared about the sweater, and Granma said that’s what I should do.
I put in the work, Todd, and it was starting to pay off. I always thought if you put in the work then you’d be fine.
That sweater was so nice, and now it’s the middle of the goddamn winter, and I don’t have my sweater any more. It’s cold, and it’s windy and the snow always falls off the trees and onto my head when I’m taking my snowmobile out to the woodshed for more wood so I can keep the fire going so my family doesn’t FREEZE TO DEATH, Todd.
That was my sweater, and you just went and gone and lost it in a snowbank.
And now all I can do is miss it now Todd. All I can do is hope I just forget it because there’s no other sweater out there – FUCK! – Todd, there’s no other sweater out there that’s going to be as warm or as comfortable or as receptive to being handwashed in odorless detergents.
Todd, I just wish I never had that sweater. I wish I never even had it to wear once. Because Todd, think about it, if you need the bad times to know when the good times come, then don’t you need the good times to know the bad?
I’ve shivered before, Todd. And I’ll shiver again too. But that sweater was just too warm, for good goddamn and mighty get out. It was just too warm and goddamn comfortable, and if I hadn’t known I could be so warm and goddamn comfortable, I wouldn’t be shivering so much right now.
Fuck, Todd. Just fuck.