The 31st of October 2013 – Austin, Texas

(found underneath a pile something heavy – a bunch of expectations, probably)


Listen, no offense, okay? And I understand your question, but I don’t want you to see her, let alone actually meet her, alright?

You have to understand what kind of vulnerability I’m in right now. You have to understand how much of a fool I’m allowing myself to be, and I know that.

I’m taking this one person out of the crowd, and I’m declaring that they’re just about the best person I’ve ever met. It doesn’t matter what she thinks or what you think or what anybody ever does about the declaration, but it’s a declaration all the same, and, Jason, I’m making it. And I haven’t even met that many people.

But, jokes aside, I’m deathly afraid. I’m terribly, horrifyingly scared right now that you’ll see this girl, you’ll talk to her, and you’ll come to this decision.

And then you’ll turn to me.

And you’ll give me that look, that single look that only means that single word, and, with that single word, you’ll send the whole world crashing down around my ears, with that look, with that one questioning, incisive word.


“Really?” Now I can hear it all. “Really? This is the one who makes you shout from rooftops? This is the one that compels you to dance down sidewalks after dates? That time you told me about how you spent all night talking about nothing in particular and everything imaginable, it was a conversation with this person?”

“Really? This is the one you love?”

As if I have any say in that.

But it’s true. And I need it.

Because people aren’t perfect, and that’s a fact. But she is, or she’s as close to it as somebody can get, and I need that.

Because you don’t care and you don’t care – at least not in that special way, that magical way – and then suddenly you do. Jason, it’s hard enough to deal with that realization, that crushing wave of feeling and feel and felt – all tenses and all at once – without somebody sneering at you, without somebody asking why.

And the problem isn’t feeling foolish, at least I don’t think it is. And the problem isn’t not being able to show proof. It’s that there is no need for proof at all, and such unanswerable questions are just a waste.

So maybe you can meet her after the wedding. Maybe.



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