The 19th of November 2004 – Greeley, Colorado

(found in the math teacher’s desk drawer)

Marissa,

Jesus, like how is it so hard to figure out?

Marissa, you’ve gotta go for it, you know? You’ve gotta like get out of the way of yourself and just go for it. Alright?

I mean, there’s this rabbit, right? He lives in my front yard, and sometimes the fluffy, dumb idiot comes out of his hole when I’m mowing the lawn, right?

So he’s hopping around in the grass that I’m cutting, and every once in a while he just stops, right in the middle of the lawn, you know? I mean, sometimes he’s right in front of the lawnmower.

Right? So he stops in the middle of the yard and he looks at me, sitting on this big ass machine with whirring blades and a big, coughing engine, you know? He looks at me, and he gives me this look like “Don’t run me over,” like it’d be my fault if he got all stuck up in the lawnmower blades and got his head ripped off or whatever, when he’s just sitting in the middle of the yard and staring at me.

I mean, the point is, you can’t expect anyone to get out of the way for you. You gotta get out of your own way. You gotta get things – even the really little things – for yourself.

It’s not like it’s life or death, you know? You aren’t about to get run over by a lawnmower. But, I mean, you gotta understand that if you’re not moving and if you’re not living and if you’re not getting those things for yourself, then it might as well be life or death, right? Except instead of fighting, you’re just letting death come to you, you know?

So go Marissa, like right now, like right after class.

Ted’s cute. He’s nice. He’ll understand.

But fucking go, alright?

I’m tired of you just sitting around and staring at fucking lawnmowers.

So go.

-B ♥

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