The 15th of April 2003 – Youngstown, Ohio

(found under a thing)

Bradley, dear,

It’s just a terrible way to live your life, the way you’re living your life. Take a moment and try to understand what I’m telling you. Take a moment and try not to get so angry because maybe then you’ll realize that I’m only just trying to help.

Bradley, I’ve lived just like you’ve lived, but worse. Bradley, I’ve lived just like you’re living right now. So take a moment and take a breath because I’m only just trying to help.

Wherever you look, Bradley, you just see things. You see things and things and things and these things are just all around you. Everything that happened, everything and anything that could possibly, maybe just this once – please – happen, well it’s all just a puny little thing. That’s how you see it. That’s how I saw it.

There was a thing, Bradley, that really bothered me. It was a thing that could have happened, but it didn’t. It could have happened, and it seemed like it was so close to happening. It could have happened, and it would have absolutely changed everything. It could have made it so that I ended up a completely different person. It could have made it so that I wasn’t even here right now, writing you this letter.

Of course this thing was out of my control, so all I can do is look back and wonder and pray and realize how much easier everything would have turned out if only this one tiny, little thing would have turned out different. It just would have been easier. It just would have been simpler.

But you can’t live your life this way, Bradley. You can’t just live life like you’re going through a whole bunch of things, things, things and more things because then you get lost. You get caught up and lost and confused.

There was another thing, Bradley, except this time I saw it coming towards me. It was another thing that was out of my control and was so easy and simple and just would have changed everything forever, once and for all. I saw it coming straight towards me, and I just thought it was another thing – you know, for all its potential it was just another thing – like the last thing and the thing before that.

So I didn’t think it would happen.

But it did.

And nothing changed. Not the way it should have, at least.

-Humphrey

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