The 11th of December 1993 – Hayward, California

(found on the thing by the thing)

My Dear,

Why do we take risks? Why do I take risks, and I know you keep asking me, especially ones as great and unpromising as the ones I take?

I’ll tell you that I’m sure there are many great and powerful men with money and houses that will talk your ear off about calculations, investments and potential profits, and how all of that needs to be taken into account before making any decision. These are the men with wealth and prestige. These are the men who don’t say hello to a passerby unless there’s a chance that stranger on the street owns a Fortune 500 company and is looking to liquidate some valuable assets.

But there are always things worth chasing, as long as they’re worth chasing. And there are situations where all you can do is chase. You can’t help not chasing. So you go. You go for it with all that you have, and you go for it until you’re left in the dirt as an exhausted husk.

And there’s beauty, I think, in the risk of risks. My dear, the risks most worth taking are the ones that have the smallest chance of working out, the ones that batter us and challenge us and force us to fight some long and futile battle, not in the hopes of seeing a victory but just to catch a glimpse of some rightful conclusion.

That’s the decision I’ve made. That’s what I’d recommend, as long as you’re up for it, my dear.

See, I’ll tell you that I’ve fallen into things my entire life, my dear, and every time I end up on the ground. Well, if I end up on the ground again, it’ll be because I’ll have jumped there.

So I’ll jump, and I’ll jump headfirst, off the cliff and down to whatever pool of water exists there. I’ll jump first and check if the water’s deep enough later. Because if we’re all going down, whether by falling or by jumping, I’d rather go down willfully and of my own volition. I’m not tripping over any more pebbles and hitting the ground in a heap.

See, my dear, I’ve decided that my fate, my failures and my successes, it’s all mine. It’s mine whether I shirk the responsibility of agency or embrace it. It’s mine, and its consequences are mine too, and – do you know, my dear – that if the consequences of my actions end up being the only company I have, well, I’ll be okay with that.

So take risks, my dear.

Kieran

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