The 8th of May 2002 – Raleigh, North Carolina

(found in a trash bin)

Honey,

Janet, dear, listen, please. Janet, just read this whole thing. You’ve got to read the whole thing. I’m just absolutely desperate for you to read the whole thing. I’m writing it. Please, please read it.

I’ve never believed in love before I met you. Is that dramatic enough? Is that a big enough pronouncement for you? I mean this, honey. I believed in love, I guess, but never a love like this, never something so fulfilling, never something so satisfying. I’ve never been so unable to comprehend something like this. I’ve never been so unable to tell someone how I actually felt about them. It’s just confounding, but it’s the best confounding. Honey, please, just chew on that for a while. Just think about that for a while. Honey, please.

I think you know what I’m about to say, honey, but please hear me out. Just keep reading, honey please. Janet, I’m begging you to just keep reading. You’ve got to. I’ve gone and written all of this for you, please, just please, you’ve got to keep reading.

Janet, it’s absolutely too much for me. It’s absolutely indescribable. Even to say how much it is, even to say that it’s just too much is too little. There are just no words. There are absolutely and positively just no words. I could go on and on and on about all of this, about how I feel and about how much you mean to me, darling please, but it just wouldn’t be enough. You know it just wouldn’t be enough. Believe me.

I mean, Janet, I mean, to just even attempt to take this feeling and put it into words is too hard. How, oh Janet, how can any man in my position, with this indescribable cloud of love floating all around him, how can anybody be expected to take that feeling and express it through some gift, some tiny little trinket, something physical and tangible. That’s impossible. That’s just absolutely impossible, Janet, and you should know that. You really should. I mean, Janet, I mean for anyone to do that, for anyone to even think something like that is even possible, I mean, aren’t they just denigrating the whole damned thing? Aren’t they just taking this beautiful, absolutely and purely beautiful thing, and cramming it into a closet, just so they can wear a diamond necklace or something like that?

Janet? Janet, please. Please. I’m sorry. I’m so sorry that I didn’t get you anything for your birthday. I’m so sorry that I forgot again. I know what you said last time, but please, please, Janet, don’t leave me.

Julius

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