The 6th of October 1981 – Idaho Falls, Idaho

(found rolled into a cylinder and stuffed into the exhaust pipe of a Ford F150)

To my Sonja:

I’ve done it, but just barely. I’ve finished it, but the whole thing came in just under the wire.

I have nothing to say for the moment, only to let you know that I have arrived, that I have made it. It’s wondrous to consider just how far I was able to go while just sitting in my study, at my desk, in front of a typewriter.

It feels terribly amazing. I feel like my head is being squeezed in a vise, and it’s starting to split and crack and ooze like a rotten melon. It aches, but barely. It aches, but like a thousand pound block of ice is resting against my forehead. The weight is crushing me, but the cool eases it just enough to make it all worthwhile.

This journey has left me weak, and I feel as if a part of me has been taken out of my being. But, somehow, I feel more than I once was, weakened and somehow strengthened by it.

I feel the fever of a great flu floating around me. It’s swallowed me and relaxed me and pushed me oh-so-gently down onto my bed.

I just want to lay down and rest my head on a pillow. I just want to sit in this moment, this feeling of emptiness and accomplishment, and relax. I know it will drift away – this cloud, this fog – but for the moment it does linger, so I will let it.

I’m sorry to be so brief, but this is all that is left at the moment.





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  1. Intriguing post as always. I wonder what was happening around this moment and what will happen after. This letter is so personal it briliantly describes a moment in this chaps life.

    1. Thank you for reading!

      It sounds like the writer was dealing with a pretty bad migraine, if you ask me…

  2. You have so effortlessly described how you felt after the journey, a description of your health and how sick you were. You’ve so beautifully expressed how tired you were, all this shows you can write poetry with ease.

  3. I’m am just in awe at how vividly and artfully your characters’ voices are. I’ve been feeling under the weather the past few days, and there’s no way I could have been so articulate about my headaches and nausea. 🙂

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