The 26th of May 1975 – Shenandoah, Pennsylvania

(found buried in a spinster’s sock drawer; amongst a collection kept in a folder which was labeled “If I Had The Courage”)

George! Oh, how could you?

Emptiness. Emptiness!

That’s it. That’s all I can say right now, George. Emptiness.

It was high school, the last time I felt this, George. This emptiness.

The last time I felt my foot trembling, the last time I felt my calf spasming, just like I do right now. Then all I felt was this emptiness. I saw her slip a love letter under his locker door, and I just felt emptiness.

George, I don’t understand how you could do this. Oh George, oh George!

Did I really start crying, George? Did you really want to make me start crying? Because I could not believe how dry my face was. But I wish I could, George. I think it would have made me feel better. I think it would have just washed everything away once and for all. But I couldn’t. I didn’t. George, I don’t know why. George, I don’t.

And do you know what you’ve done? Do you know what you’ve ruined? I can’t even begin…

Oh I wish I could tell you, George. I wish I could show you what you’ve done to me and to us. How could such a powerful seed exist and not even be planted, let alone given a chance to grow. How could I feel so much and just have to squash it back into whatever part of my soul it came from. And, of course, you know – oh George you know – that doing so would hurt. Oh it would hurt. It would just be impossible for me.

After I read the announcement in the paper, I just stood there, George, struck by lightning, in a vacuum with everything around me all charged up and burned away. Only when the thunderclap came did I wake up and realize.

How could you marry her? George! How could you?

I’m afraid I’ll have to forget all about you, George. I’m afraid I don’t think I can. Oh god, George! One day you’ll have a family and you’ll move away. Oh god, one day I’ll never see you again, George. One day you’ll just be another person.

How could you do that to me?

Always,

Donna

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