The 26th of May 1975 – Shenandoah, Pennsylvania

(found buried in a spinster’s sock drawer; amongst a collection kept in a folder which was labeled “If I Had The Courage”)

George! Oh, how could you?

Emptiness. Emptiness!

That’s it. That’s all I can say right now, George. Emptiness.

It was high school, the last time I felt this, George. This emptiness.

The last time I felt my foot trembling, the last time I felt my calf spasming, just like I do right now. Then all I felt was this emptiness. I saw her slip a love letter under his locker door, and I just felt emptiness.

George, I don’t understand how you could do this. Oh George, oh George!

Did I really start crying, George? Did you really want to make me start crying? Because I could not believe how dry my face was. But I wish I could, George. I think it would have made me feel better. I think it would have just washed everything away once and for all. But I couldn’t. I didn’t. George, I don’t know why. George, I don’t.

And do you know what you’ve done? Do you know what you’ve ruined? I can’t even begin…

Oh I wish I could tell you, George. I wish I could show you what you’ve done to me and to us. How could such a powerful seed exist and not even be planted, let alone given a chance to grow. How could I feel so much and just have to squash it back into whatever part of my soul it came from. And, of course, you know – oh George you know – that doing so would hurt. Oh it would hurt. It would just be impossible for me.

After I read the announcement in the paper, I just stood there, George, struck by lightning, in a vacuum with everything around me all charged up and burned away. Only when the thunderclap came did I wake up and realize.

How could you marry her? George! How could you?

I’m afraid I’ll have to forget all about you, George. I’m afraid I don’t think I can. Oh god, George! One day you’ll have a family and you’ll move away. Oh god, one day I’ll never see you again, George. One day you’ll just be another person.

How could you do that to me?




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