The 14th of August 1997 – Oklahoma City, Oklahoma

(found in the median somewhere along 10th street)

Johnny, Johnny, you mother-effer, Johnny –

Listen, Johnny, I got what you said. You said your life is hard. You said that you’re not sure that you’re gonna get what you want. And that makes you scared. But that makes us all scared.

Because we want things and we think those things are important, so we want them even more. But is that it? We just want, we just collect and move on? Johnny, is that it? We’re just stumbling across the Monopoly board, hoping we don’t screw up, embarrass ourselves and get thrown in jail? We just keep moving, wait to pass go and collect our 200? Johnny, is that it? Are we just playing a game? Johnny?

Now’s where you got to ask yourself: do I just want it? Or do I want to experience?

Because you can get whatever you want if you play game the right way. Close everything out, focus and you’re sitting in a hotel on Park Place. But, listen Johnny. You’re not gonna feel it; you’re not gonna experience it unless you let yourself, unless you open yourself up to world. You got to strip everything away and tear open your chest and let your heart beat in the open air.

And that’s gonna hurt. That’s gonna hurt bad, especially when things don’t work out, especially when all those dreams come apart into a million pieces. But, Johnny, sometimes it won’t. You have to know that. You have to believe that sometimes it’ll be the best thing you ever felt.

So ask yourself.

I remember this girl, Johnny. It’s always weird how I remember the girls and you remember the job applications and the promotions and the raises, isn’t it? Whatever…

But with this girl, it was sort of like I just put my head down and ran forward, trying to break through, but after a couple tries she just said “Jesus, it’s a brick wall. I know cuz I built it.” So I stopped.

But it feels good to want something, even when you aren’t supposed to. It feels good to want and just let yourself go after it, unabashed, unashamed. Because have you ever not wanted anything? You just look around and see everything in the world, all the people, all the trophies, all the happiness, whatever, and you just don’t want any of it. You just don’t care. That’s not a nice place to be. It feels good to want something, to experience something.

Johnny, I’m telling you it feels good – sometimes not for a long time, but eventually it feels good, even when the brick wall you hit ends up being too solid to break through or the ground in front of you gives way to a cliff’s edge. It feels good to just throw yourself forwards into life and just try to experience.

You know what I mean?

Johnny, just think about it.

– Trevor

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2 comments

  1. watching people stumble through their lives trying to get what they need, not understanding why someone won’t give it to them, when the person they want it from is just stumbling and colliding too, trying to get something for themselves. how would it be if everyone started looking to fill the needs of others instead of themselves? would that be different? would that change the world?

    1. But how would we fill the needs of others if we don’t understand ourselves? If we stumble and collide haphazardly through our lives, as most of us surely do, what good would come from trying to give others what they think they need? We would just stumble around together, hands interlocked while sliding down our hill. That may be fun, but not much would change. Isn’t the focus on need and desire an issue? Move past that to find sold footing in self-awareness and contentment, then extend a hand to help those around you.

      Thanks for reading. Thanks for taking the time to comment. I hope to see you around here more often.

      Stetsonsgardener

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