The 18th of February 1995 – Sechelt, British Columbia

(found taped to the Coke machine outside the Cozy Court market on Inlet Avenue)

You Know Who This Is For –

Okay. I’ll admit that I’m pretentious, that I think I’m important, that I think my life should be special, different.

And I’ll admit that this doesn’t make me the happiest person. But I’m confident that it will soon or that it might or that it should.

You see, I’ve been waiting my whole life for one moment, one thing that means – just…just means. Sometimes I think I’d give up my whole life for just one moment.

And then I thought I found it. I mean I’m pretty sure it happened.

No.

No.

Listen – I found it. I did. You were there. You should know.

There was a moment when you smiled and I smiled and our feet struck the concrete of the sidewalk and then I said something stupid, and I stopped in my tracks, but you kept walking. And you still smiled. There was a moment when I felt something and I’m damn sure that you felt it too. It was that moment when I looked over at you as we walked down the alley and I saw your face.

I still see your face. It pops into my brain when I’m drifting off to sleep. It morphs onto the head of the McDonald’s cashier handing me a greasy bag of food. It floats up with the clouds when I walk through the park.

I see it in my shoelaces and in the popcorn on my bedroom ceiling and in the steering wheel of my car. And I can’t stand it. And I can’t get enough of it.

I still see your face. And I think of that moment. I think of how close it was, how close it felt. And I think of how far away it seems right now. I think of how lonely that moment must feel, now that it’s so far gone, even though it seemed to shine so brightly.

And I get why it’s gone. And I get why you let it go. And I get why I can’t. Because you’re a human being, and you’ve got a life to deal with. And I’m just here, whatever the fuck I am, dealing with whatever the fuck I have.

And it’s been, what’s it been? It’s been weeks or something, or maybe years. And I can’t stop thinking about how you probably don’t even think about me. And I can’t…I just can’t.

I found it. I’m telling you that it was there. And I found it. We did.

– You Know Who This is From

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