The 16th of March 2009 – Washington, D.C.

(found in the grate of a gutter at the corner formed by M and 33rd Streets)

Hey Danny,

I gotta tell you something. Something fucking great just happened to me.

Maria left and all that bullshit, so I was kinda bothered the last couple of days. Her sister kept calling and just fucking screaming through the telephone at me and I got pretty fucking sick of it. So the days just went fucking by for a few weeks till I finally decided to just get out.

So I peel myself off my floor and walk out my apartment. I push past some dopey fucking tourists gawking at the fucking river or George Washington’s giant dick or some shit and I head down the block.

And I’m walking across the Key Bridge, not going anywhere, just trying to get some shit outta my head, you know? I’m walking across the bridge when this fucking plane comes right over my head. It was a big motherfucking one, too – probably an Airbus A300 or something – heading for Reagan.

And I saw it. And it was close, real, real fucking close. I watched the landing gear come down. I hadda squint cuz the lights were shining right in my eyes. The plane was so close I coulda fucking touched it. I coulda licked its pussy.

So anyway this big metal tube comes roaring right overhead and that’s when I look down and see this kid freaking out on the sidewalk in front of me. He has his arms stretched out from his sides and he’s prancing around and shouting “Big Metal Bird!” That’s what he keeps shouting. “Big Metal Bird! Big Metal Bird!”

And I’m watching this kid. I don’t even know if his parents were there, but I’m watching this kid dance around and I can’t help smiling. Then another plane comes flying over and the kid starts yelling even louder. “Big Metal Bird! Big Metal Bird!” He flaps his arms, you know? He starts jumping and he’s still screaming.

“Big Metal Bird!”

Then, finally, some wild-looking woman with tiredness creased into her fucking face comes sprinting down the street from behind me, screaming: “Get back here Arthur.” She pushes past me and finally gets close enough to grab at the fucker, but he slipped away. She reached for him again and hoisted him onto her shoulder. They’re walking back and when they’re about to pass me, the kid looks me right in the face and fucking shouts: “Big Metal Bird!”

So I just bust out fucking laughing. I couldn’t help it. I just can’t stop laughing. I just can’t.

Anyway, hope things are good.

-Steve

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